Treva Gordon shares her life, the loss of her husband of 26 years and how she is moving forward the best way she knows how.
I am from Detroit, MI. I grew up loving God and family. I remember my mother taking me and my sisters to church every Sunday morning. I loved God and knew that I wanted to serve Him. I grew up in River Rouge, MI, and attended public school. Since the beginning, I was faced with learning challenges, difficulty learning. I was placed in special education from the 1st through he 6th grade. I felt like, “I didn’t belong.” I got baptized at my local church at the age of 8 and one day while visiting the city of Atlanta, GA on vacation with my family, at age 13, God filled me with His Holy Spirit. I could immediately feel a change. Things were good. Life was great. I never had a boyfriend in high school. I was shy when it came to boys. After high school, I hung out with friends, dated, eventually had a boyfriend or two. We broke up. So, I was single. I attended college for 2 semesters but ended up dropping out because I could not afford it. I quit. I started working dead end jobs. Often times, I had no place to stay from the ages 18- 22. I needed a change.
Home life was getting complicated to live because of so much arguing in the family home. At the age of 20, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I needed an out and prayed much for strength and guidance. So, at the age of 22, I joined the Army. I needed a change, I was going through a change.
I joined the Army. Something I never thought I would do; but I did. After basic training and attending school for my field, my military occupation was in the field of transportation, I was a truck driver and was sent to Ft. Campbell, KY where I was assigned. I arrived in summer, June 1992. Upon the first day of arrival, I was introduced to this good-looking Sergeant. This Sergeant made me feel welcome and asked me where I was from. He was from Texas. We later became friends, and in one month, he was my boyfriend. I was 22 years old and Robert was 26. We were 4 years apart. We began serving various missions together as truck drivers in the military. He liked me. I liked him. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a person who was truly in my corner. A man who loved me for me. One to not take advantage of me, but who loved me unconditionally. Within 6 months of dating, Robert proposed on a beautiful clear night in December. I said, “Yes.” We thought we would wait at least a year to marry, but God led us into another direction. On March 13, 1993, I said yes to this beautiful man and became his wife. It was the best day I ever had. I remember the vows we had spoken unto God and to one another. As he looked into my eyes and I stared into his eyes, I remember being honored to be his wife. As a young married woman, I first experienced loss of my mother’s failing health. I was stressed out and prayed to God for healing. Then one day while sleeping, I received an urgent call that woke me in my sleep. A family member who told me about my mother being in the hospital and that I needed to come. It was serious. My mother was dying. My mother had cancer. My husband and I arrived at the hospital. I was in disbelief. But never lost hope in God as I prayed for healing. I remember my mother, having such a warm smile as she lay in bed, she put our hands together, and quietly prayed a prayer over my husband and I and told us that no matter what to stick together. The next day, she went home to be with Jesus. I believe that is the prayer that kept Robert and I together. My mother prayed for us.
Throughout life, we have ups and downs. Highs and lows. But all in all, I’m grateful and blessed for everything I’ve been through. They say, “It’s not where you been but where you are going.” I disagree. I say, both are equally important. Because it is your journey. It is the person that you are today. Your past is your fiber. It is your DNA and because of your scars throughout life, it dictates your future and how you respond to life. I believe that we can all change, but certain situations such as death, we cannot. So, it begins with one question, “What is Your Truth?
I was a stay at home mother for 5 years. Blessed to have 3 beautiful children (Robert Jr., Tevin, and Robyn). They help keep me grounded. In the year 2000, at the age of 30, I went back to school to continue my education and graduated with honors at the age of 35 from Austin Peay State University. I even cheated death in 2004, after giving birth to my daughter and survived it. I had toxemia and the doctors said I would not live. But God. I am still here by God’s grace and mercy.
Years later, my testimony went viral in 2013; around the world, thanks to the 700 Club with Televangelist Pat Robertson. In 2005, I started a business. Who would have ever thought that the little girl in special education from the 1st- 6th grade would graduate from college with honors or even start her own business? Phil 4:13. God is great.
Through networking, I soon started working in the field of television and in radio. I founded Leading Ladies, led women groups and conducted conferences, traveled as a playwright and life was really good. Then, in 2013, my husband entered a battle with his health for 7 years. I never knew that it would be such a journey. Through it all, Robert always gave God glory. He even became a pastor and started Mile High Church in 2015. I was now a Co-Pastor serving alongside my husband in ministry. Life was good, God is good. In June 2019, I experienced one of the greatest losses in my life. My Husband Robert ended his battle with cancer. Robert was the love of my life and we were married for 26 years. I was lost. I found myself completely heartbroken and devastated as if my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I found myself depressed and in a low place. But found comfort therapy, support groups, in travels, and sharing my broken heart with strangers in airports, airplanes, staying with family and friends who showed love and kindness with great empathy, acceptance and no judgment.
“WHAT IS MY TRUTH?” This is the one question that helped me to move forward. My grief had caused me to shave my hair, I was spending money, traveling. I was running. Traveling was my drug because I did not like coming home and Robert was no longer there. I stopped living. I disappeared from social media. Then one day it hit. I just got back in from a trip. I looked around and Robert was not there. In sadness, I screamed out. I dropped to my knees in my bedroom and cried and cried and cried. All I could do is give it all over to God. My truth was, I missed Robert, and that he was never coming back to me. I was not happy about it. I did not want to accept this reality. This pain. I missed my best friend. Then God spoke to me. Once I gave it to God, His message was to lend my story and to share my story, my pain, my broken heart with others.
Can you believe that my first speaking event was to a group of widows. The date was 26. Everything significant in my life happens to be the number 26. From meeting my husband and he was 26, to the number of years we were married.
I shared my story for the first time in public. It was incredible. Life changing. I felt healing. I felt the strength of God. It was the beginning of His plan for me. God calls my “Beloved,” and gave me a ministry called L.O.S.S. – Lending Our Shared Stories.
Everyone in life has experienced some form of loss and pain. Through L.O.S.S. we will get through this. “This too shall pass.” Where the mission is to rise from devastation to elevation, and where we stand upon these 5 pillars that are: Love, Empathy, Compassion, Kindness, and Respect. We are Agents of Change on an assignment to listen and to care.
I am the proud Founder of L.O.S.S. and we are here to encourage others who have experienced loss and traumatic loss, whether from spouse, relationship, child, pet, job/income or business, self-identity or more. Serving widows and widowers. We are here to support. Here to care. Regardless of your loss, please know that you are not alone and that there is purpose in pain. God has a plan for you. Sometimes the things we go through and experience in life are hurtful and even unexplainable. If you are grieving a loss, here are some tips for you: Take your time. Breathe. It’s ok to cry. Find your group. A place where you feel acceptance and love.