Updated: Jul 31
Tyrell Starks, your Positive Psychology & Emotional Intelligence Life Coach, shares tips, tools and techniques to help you become happy when happiness is eluding you.
We all are capable of happiness if we choose to. For some of us it comes seemingly easy and even when happiness is on the top of our priority list, we still will encounter some challenging days. May is mental health awareness month and it’s time to choose happiness for your mental health!
In this season's LetsHeal contribution I will give you some tips on how to begin your journey towards happiness.
1. Do an inventory
At certain points of our life we allow ourselves to take on much more than we should. So, it is very important that we do an inventory of the people we have around us and whether they are depositing or withdrawing from our emotional bank. The easiest way to do an effective inventory would be to pay attention to your interactions with people. There are typically some people who we may surround ourselves with because they make us feel an overwhelming amount of happiness. Those kinds of people are definitely keepers! But then there are some people who we come in contact with who make us feel extremely drained before, during, and after they are gone from your presence. Those kinds of people you should definitely make sure that you are in a full and peaceful emotional state of mind and even deal with them sparingly. When I make suggestions for my clients who are looking to figure out where to start, this step is the most important step in most situations.
2. Get rid of the dead energy
After you have done your inventory it is very important to allow yourself to get rid of the dead energy or the energy vampires that may be in your presence or even in your circle. The only thing constant in the world is change and sometimes there needs to be change in your circle so that you can continue to move forward in your journey towards having and keeping genuine happiness. Once you are able to identify the dead or dying energy or energy vampires, you may have to have some sort of conversation with the person who you feel is draining your energy.
Let's be clear, I'm not saying that you should just walk around and cut people off, but what I am saying is that you should own your feelings and allow yourself to have a conversation with somebody in an effort to allow them to adjust themselves to continue to be a part of your circle. Once you have your conversation, then you should definitely figure out if this person or people are beneficial to your journey towards happiness.
3. Know when to say “NO” and mean it
It is very important that you learn how to and allow yourself to say no when things don't feel or go right in your life. Saying no actually is an empowering word because it allows you to maintain control of your emotions and who you allow to have access to them. Saying no also sets boundaries and it shows people how to treat you when it comes to sustaining emotional balance for yourself; or even teaching yourself how to have enough emotional reserve so that you don't allow yourself to fall into emotional darkness with things like depression, anxiety, or any other negative feeling or emotion. Your “NO” has to follow through also. You can’t tell someone “no” then counteract your decision. That’s defeating the purpose of saying it initially and it may also open the door for people to begin to drain from you emotions.
4. Give from your emotional reservoir
This step is my favorite step because I like to use the analogy with my clients of thinking about your emotions as two pitchers of water. In one pitcher you have emotions for you and you ONLY. In the other pitcher you allow the water to flow into other people’s emotions. Because it is important that you are giving emotional support as much as you are taking emotional support. The idea is to surround yourself with people who are pouring into you just as much as you are pouring into them, so that your reservoir never goes dry. But if you find that your reservoir is beginning to go dry then you definitely need to stop giving so much emotional support to people who are not putting back into your emotional bank. When you think about having your own personal and emotional pitcher of water, so you are able to maintain stability and happiness for yourself because, your happiness is your responsibility.
5. Do your work
When it comes to doing your work, I usually suggest that keeping a journal, meditating, exercising, or maybe even trying a new healthy recipe would be an amazing start. Since change is constant and evolution is necessary, you must be willing to do the work that it takes to keep yourself on a positive journey towards happiness. And just like most things in life, your happiness will require you to do some evaluations and adjustments. If you are having trouble evaluating or adjusting where you are and how to move forward, most life coaches, psychiatrists, or therapists can give you some suggestions and even help you understand where you currently are in your journey. There is always support available!
6. Lose Control!!!
Now, I don't mean to lose control after you've done all that work LOL! When I say lose control, I mean have fun! Try something that you've always wanted to try. Try something that will create a new and positive memory for your mind and your emotions. During the difficult times it is the positive memories that will help you get through those times. So, if you're constantly on a journey towards happiness, your mind, your emotions, your body will crave new adventures and maybe even some new friendships & relationships along the way.
Your happiness is and always will be your choice. In an effort to maintain that happiness throughout the years we have to always be prepared. Preparation is the key to moving through things quicker and more positively than usual.
These tips will allow you to create the happiness that you have always wanted and deserve. And now you have a tool to revisit each time you are altering or adjusting your emotional bank. Happy Healing! #LetsHeal
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